


And we become eternity

by redmorningstar



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Background Megaera/Zagreus - Freeform, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Constipation, Feelings Realization, Feels, Frottage, Lack of Communication, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Present Tense, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Tension, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:23:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redmorningstar/pseuds/redmorningstar
Summary: When Zagreus is born, Nyx says to Thanatos, "that's the son of our Master, child. You must mind him and care for him as if he were our kin. Do you understand?" His mother does not smile, but there is softness in her gaze as she looks upon the child.“Yes, Mother,” he promises, ever dutiful in honouring her requests as he has always done. The babe squirms in her arms, feet hot with flames and eyes shining like gems, blood red and verdant green. Something shifts in Thanatos’ breast at the sight of the boy, an emotion he doesn’t know the name of and has little place within him. Strange, he thinks, that he should be moved by the birth of this godling when little else has in the years he’s lived.-The story of Zagreus and Thanatos’ relationship, where Thanatos waits and second-guesses and waits some more before finally taking what he wants. Spoilers for their romance route.
Relationships: Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 419





	And we become eternity

**Author's Note:**

> Note: There is background Megzag, but only mentioned in passing.

When Zagreus is born, Nyx says to Thanatos, "that's the son of our Master, child. You must mind him and care for him as if he were our kin. Do you understand?" His mother does not smile, but there is softness in her gaze as she looks upon the child.

“Yes, Mother,” he promises, ever dutiful in honouring her requests as he has always done. The babe squirms in her arms, feet hot with flames and eyes shining like gems, blood red and verdant green. Something shifts in Thanatos’ breast at the sight of the boy, an emotion he doesn’t know the name of and has little place within him. Strange, he thinks, that he should be moved by the birth of this godling when little else has in the years he’s lived.

For all he promises, Thanatos is quickly sent away from the House to begin his new role and it is many years before he meets the prince again. When he does finally return to give his report to his Master, the prince who was just a babe is now a young man. He almost misses the figure standing at Hades’ side — a thin and scrawny slip of a boy, smaller still when standing beside his father who radiates a presence that borders on suffocating. When Thanatos catches his eye, the boy gives him a small, hesitant smile. It’s enough to make him start — he does not know of anyone in the Underworld who gives a smile so easily and effortlessly.

After Thanatos finishes his report and Hades gives him leave to go, he takes himself to the balcony for a moment of respite. It isn’t long before Thanatos hears the soft patter of feet behind him and turns to see the young prince standing before him, garbed in the red and black colours of his father's house and a curious expression on his face. Looking at him more closely now, Thanatos notes the strong line of his jaw resembling his father and, by contrast, a vulnerable softness to his mouth that must come from his mother. Whoever she is, it is obvious Zagreus takes after her strongly.

“You’re Thanatos, aren’t you?” The prince asks, his voice light. “Nyx and Hypnos have told me so much about you. I’m Zagreus, it’s nice to finally meet you.” Thanatos inclines his head in acknowledgement.

“I know you, son of Hades. We met once when you were born. You’ve grown,” he comments. 

“Oh, of course. You’ve been away from the House for such a long time, I wondered if we would ever meet.” Zagreus ducks his head shyly, though his eyes are bright and inquisitive. “I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but you are very beautiful.”

“I…” Thanatos doesn’t know how to respond to the compliment that Zagreus offers so readily or the earnest look on the young man’s face. “Thank you,” he settles on at last, awkwardly. The prince doesn’t seem bothered by his stilted response.

“Nyx says you have to work so much because of the war. But is the war over now? I mean, that is to say, will you be around more often?” Zagreus asks with a hopeful look that bemuses Thanatos.

“I still have plenty of work to do, but yes, the war is over for now,” he answers slowly. Zagreus smiles again, pleased.

“Good! That’s good. I don’t have many people I can talk to in the House, you see, but you get to leave the House all the time. You must have so many stories to tell. I would love to hear them when you have the time, if you would honour me, sir?” Thanatos remembers his mother’s words and supposes he has been remiss in his care of Zagreus through the years. 

“It’s Thanatos,” he corrects because he may be a little older, but he certainly isn’t the boy’s superior in this place, “but sure, I have the time.” The young prince beams and Thanatos almost responds in kind, automatic even though it has been centuries since he has smiled, if he ever has. There’s something magnetic about Zagreus that Thanatos has a hard time resisting, a bright quality that seems out of place in this dark house.

The prince likes to talk, that much is for certain; Zagreus follows him from the west hall to the lounge without even breaking conversation. He tells him about his studies, about his training with Achilles, about Cereberus’ antics; and he has even more questions about Thanatos’ work, his travels, his likes and dislikes, his curiosity about every detail seemingly insatiable. Thanatos doesn’t dislike it, but it mystifies him to be the object of such focused attention from the princeling.

“Sorry, I must be bothering you,” Zagreus says when Thanatos realises with surprise that hours have passed somehow. He shakes his head.

“No, you’re not a bother. It’s just, I have to get back to work,” he admits with some reluctance. Zagreus’ face falls but he nods in understanding.

“Of course I won’t keep you. I enjoyed talking to you, Thanatos, and I sincerely hope it won’t be years and years before we see each other again.” Thanatos notices the tremulous twist to the boy’s mouth and finds he doesn’t want to disappoint him. Mother told him to mind him, after all, and if returning to the House more frequently for conversations like this is part of that duty, then…

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he offers and it’s enough to brighten the boy’s mood instantly. The smile Zagreus bestows on him is a gift; Thanatos tucks the boon away, the memory of it shining bright even in his darkest hours.

-

Thanatos returns to the House as promised. His duties come first, always, but if his reports are a little more frequent, then so be it. He can tell his attempts pleases Nyx, her cool gaze tinged with warmth as she looks upon them together. What his Master thinks of their burgeoning friendship is less obvious — his dark eyes track them when they cross the hall together, but no words of disapproval are ever uttered. His approval matters less to Thanatos than he might have expected for Zagreus greets him with such clear delight whenever he returns, it is almost like having someone to come home to. Thanatos knows he is being overly sentimental and that the thought is hardly befitting the incarnation of Death, but he can’t help himself. He blames Zagreus’ influence on him for that, the boy always too vulnerable and open by half.

The time they spend together always passes quickly. Thanatos is present to see Zagreus grow this time: his shoulders broaden, his form fills out from lean to muscular, and he’s startled to find that one day they stand almost eye to eye as the scrawny boy becomes a man in the blink of an eye. Sometimes they spar together: Thanatos’ years of skill and experience means it’s hardly a competition but even so, he can see in the progression of Zagreus’ form and the quick dance of his feet that someday soon, it will be. Thanatos is aware that they make an unlikely pair and that they are opposites in countless ways: Zagreus is lively where Thanatos is dour, eloquent where Thanatos stumbles over words, and he's _kind,_ kinder than a god has any right to be. Zagreus gets along with everyone, something Thanatos would hardly have thought possible, but it’s true. All except for the Master, who never has a kind word, a measure of warmth, or show of affection for his only kin in the Underworld. The years pass and Thanatos sees the way it wears on Zagreus, tearing at the soft edges of him until they are ragged and brittle. He watches and hopes that it will not douse the vivid life in him.

-

“Than!” It’s Zagreus, of course, the sound of his feet dashing through the West Hall as subtle as a wretched thug. That part is familiar enough, but the nickname is anything _but_. Thanatos turns to him with a sigh.

“Where’s the rest?” He asks him with a raised eyebrow. Zagreus stops in front of him, a puzzled look on his face.

“I’m sorry?”

“The rest of my name. You called me _Than_ ,” he points out coolly.

“It’s a nickname. You know, mortals use them to signify close bonds and I thought, perhaps- Because we’re friends… right?” Zagreus looks unsure for a moment and Thanatos remembers that for all his self-confidence, he has spent more of his life alone than anything else. He shakes his head.

“Call me what you like,” Thanatos allows because he is always allowing Zagreus’ things and it would be strange to stop now. Zagreus’ posture relaxes and he rests a hand on his cocked hip, casual once more.

“You can call me Zag if you want,” he offers, “Meg does.” Thanatos has to raise his eyebrows again at that. He knows Megaera, first of the Furies, has known her well for a long time and how Zagreus managed to worm his way into her good graces that she would deign to be called _Meg_ Thanatos can’t even begin to imagine.

“She lets you call her that?” He asks, doing nothing to disguise his disbelief. Something miraculous happens then: Zagreus _blushes_. Thanatos finds he can’t stop staring at the flush of red across his skin that should be impossible in this Chthonic realm; he thought only humans had red blood, but of course, Zagreus is different in that way, too.

“Meg and I, we’re, uh, _involved_ ,” he says, one hand rubbing the back of his neck shyly and suddenly Thanatos can see it plain in his face, the affection and warmth pouring out like a deluge, heart on his sleeve, as always.

“Ah.”

Zagreus goes on, excitedly, “she’s sharp and clever. Absolutely delightful, really. I mean, you probably already know that, seeing as you work together…” He pauses a moment. “Nobody knows about us, so I’d appreciate your discretion. Not that I’d ever think you’d say anything, Than, but still.” The emotion rising within him isn’t jealousy. Envy, perhaps, for Megaera’s ability to know what she wants and take it; Thanatos still doesn’t know how to do that, even after all these centuries.

“Who would I tell?” Maybe the prince hasn’t realised yet but he doesn’t talk to anyone else, not like he talks to Zagreus. Thanatos shrugs. “You’d do well to tread carefully, Zagreus. Furies aren’t known to be forgiving.”

“I know. I’m trying. Trying and failing, probably. Any, uh, relationship advice?” Thanatos wonders if Zagreus asks to tease him, but no, the look on his face is clear of any mockery.

“On getting _involved_ with a Fury? Not something I have any experience in, nor do I want it, Zag,” and he doesn’t mean to use the nickname, but it slips out without his express permission and then it’s too late to take back; Zagreus looks far too triumphant at the sound of it. He reaches out to tug at Thanatos’ elbow, his broad hand a warm point of contact against his skin; Thanatos _notices_ it, and wonders at noticing it.

Before he can examine it further, Zagreus is pulling him along and saying with a fond smile, “come on, let’s go to the lounge. I’ve got loads to tell you. Not to mention, I want to hear about everything you’ve seen since you were last here, too.”

-

Thanatos hears more about their relationship from Megaera later when he's bringing her assignments to her in Tartarus. He’s been trying to imagine the two of them together and hasn’t quite reconciled the image. The Fury cuts an imposing figure, the crack of her whip not the only sharp thing about her; Zagreus seems too soft by comparison, but perhaps the contrast is what brought them together in the first place.

"So, _Meg_ , huh?" Megaera sighs, but looks unsurprised.

"I knew you'd find out. He can't keep anything from you," she comments drily.

"How exactly did this start? Zagreus told me his version of events, but it seemed a little… embellished.” She shrugs.

"Not much to say. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and he's persistent, I'll give him that much. But I like that about him." Megaera slants him a look that passes for a smile. “He talks about you a lot, you know: Thanatos this, Thanatos _that_. One might even say he's harbouring a crush.” Thanatos feels like he has been dumped in the freezing oceans of Greece without warning; they’re just words, but they feel too real, too close, and he has no idea what to do with such an thought.

“That's ridiculous. And he's with you, so why would he-” He cuts himself off because he doesn’t know what he’s trying to say, anyway. Megaera sighs, and he must be pitiful indeed if one of the Erinyes is showing mercy on him.

"I'm just saying he cares about you, Thanatos. And that it wouldn't kill you to visit a little more frequently." Thanatos is silent for a moment as he considers Megaera's words. He's not curious by nature, but a single question does burn in his mind when he thinks of the two of them together. "Ask," she says, reading it plain in his face, as is her skill.

"Why?” The question is simple and at the same time, endlessly complicated. As always, Megaera cuts through to the heart of it with ease.

“Why _not_ , Thanatos?” She replies simply, and Thanatos can think of plenty of reasons _why not_ , a whole scroll worth, but the look in Megaera’s eyes is softer than he ever expected of her and he knows somehow, without her even saying so, that perhaps for the price of a smile, the risk is worth it.

-

The years get a little harsher and Thanatos tries harder, not just because of Megaera’s suggestion, but because each visit finds Zagreus brimming with anger and resentment, the tension in the air is thicker every time he returns despite his and Nyx’s best efforts to dispel it. Thanatos misses his unyielding kindness and hates to see it all but snuffed out; he can resent his Master for that much, at least.

Zagreus’ relationship with Megaera helps, until it doesn’t. When things end between them, messy and sudden, the prince is heartbroken, shattered in a way that Thanatos cannot address. He doesn't ask what passed between them; there are many things they don’t talk about, anymore.

They are sitting in the prince’s courtyard looking out over the infernal halls of Tartarus and far out of his father’s earshot, when Zagreus asks, suddenly, “Than... would you take me away from here?” The question surprises Thanatos and at the same time it doesn’t. Zagreus continues, a little desperately, “it doesn't have to be long. A week, a day — I'd settle for a couple of hours, honestly. It’s just, some days I feel so trapped I can hardly breathe.” Thanatos looks at him, at the misery etched in the familiar angles of his face, and feels helpless.

“I can’t, Zag. Your father-” It’s the wrong thing to say and he knows it the moment the words leave his mouth. 

"Of course that's what matters to you most. What my father would think.” Zagreus’ face becomes closed and hard, his mouth tight with unhappiness. “Why not be honest with me, Than? I know I'm just a nuisance to you,” he bites out bitterly. The words linger sourly in the silence between them, stinging in a way that surprises Thanatos. If he were better at this he might have seen through the barb to the wounded man underneath; he might have offered comfort. But Thanatos isn't practiced at being gentle or kind… he only knows how to be cold.

“Well, seeing as you already know my mind,” Thanatos responds dispassionately, a far cry from the emotions churning within him. The words find their mark and Zagreus looks at him, hurt plain on his face, broken heart on his sleeve.

“Forget I asked. I’ll do it myself, Thanatos. Without you.” Zagreus leaves and Thanatos doesn’t stop him.

It’s the last time they speak to each other for a long, long time. Thanatos doesn’t know who he is trying to punish by staying away, but he does not return to the House as the years slip by, inexorable as ever. Eventually regret sets in and Thanatos comes home at last, to apologise and make amends, only there’s no Zagreus to be found, not in his bedchambers or the courtyard or anywhere else. Panic sets in until Nyx stops him in the hallway with a gentle hand on his forearm.

“He’s gone, my son,” she says, her voice calm as the dead of night. “He is making for the surface as he has wanted to for the longest time.” The panic recedes and a cold fury grips him instead, because for all that happened between them, didn’t he at least deserve a goodbye? Nyx reads it all in his face with a single, impassive glance. “Go, my child. Find him in the fields of Elysium. He needs your help,” she says and releases her gentle grip on him. Thanatos goes; he has no more time to waste.

-

They meet like this far too often these days for his liking. Zagreus is still too weak by far, limping through half of the Underworld loudly enough that Thanatos had heard him despite his best efforts _not_ to.

Thanatos kills the lion's share of the wretches before they can lay a hand on the prince and Zagreus dashes over to him the moment the battle is over, his feet carrying him faster than Thanatos' eyes can track. He looks bloody and bruised and so brightly happy to see him that it makes his jaw hurt from clenching it so hard. "Than," Zagreus says like he always does, the intimacy rolling off his tongue with an ease he envies. Thanatos tries to keep his distance, but Zagreus never takes the hint (or perhaps ignores it to spite him), always stepping a measure too close for Thanatos' comfort. No, that's a lie, he does find comfort in Zagreus' closeness, in fact he enjoys it too much for what they are, boyhood friends turned gods heading in entirely different directions with their eternities; despite their recent camaraderie, he hasn’t forgotten that Zagreus still wants to _leave_ for Hades' sake.

"You're reckless, Zagreus," he rebukes, "I almost didn't make it in time."

"That's not true. You always find me, no matter how far I go, Than. Even now," he replies with a soft certainty that Thanatos hates.

"For how much longer, Zagreus? How much longer until you don't come back for good?" There's no good answer to that and they both know it, but he asks anyway.

"I have to do this, Than," Zagreus says, not an answer, but perhaps the most kind he can offer given the circumstances. Thanatos knows, of course he does. The purpose shines out of his face like it never has before and he can't bear to extinguish it, not that he even believes he could. He just wishes that it didn't feel like everything that came before this moment was just _killing time_ , that Zagreus was just waiting for an excuse to leave and now he has it; he just wishes selfishly that whatever they had between them could have been enough for him to stay. It’s not a fair assessment by any stretch, but he _feels_ it anyway, inexplicably and irrationally, which is the exact reason why he hates having emotions. Thanatos looks at Zagreus' earnest face and doesn't say any of it.

“Think you’ll make it this time?” He asks, trying to change the trajectory of their conversation and his thoughts.

“After your little assist, I feel like I could take on the whole of Hades at once. In fact, I just might,” he says lightly, and there’s still blood on his cheeks and his clothes and Thanatos knows he’s going to feel it sooner rather than later, the moment the life leaves him. He sighs, already dreading it.

"You move too fast for me, Zag," Thanatos admits. He doesn't mean to hurt him with his words, he just doesn't know what to do with that inescapable truth sometimes, and now Zagreus knows it too. The stricken expression on his face says it all; for a fleeting moment, Thanatos feels a little satisfaction in their shared misery before it fades and settles into regret. "I have to get back to work." He disappears before he can hear what Zagreus has to say. It's self-preservation, pure and simple: Thanatos leaves first so he doesn't have to see Zagreus walk away and wonder if it's going to be the last time.

-

“It isn’t much, Than, but I got you something.”

The bottle of nectar is warm in his hands. It’s a rare and precious gift in these parts and Thanatos wonders how Zagreus managed to come by it, appreciating that it can’t have been easy. He sees it for what it is: a peace offering and an attempt to bridge this strange awkwardness between them which was never their usual. There’s a pinned butterfly trinket hidden in the folds of his clothes, a gift he has held onto for far too long; Thanatos pulls it free now before he can second-guess himself.

“You want me to take that off your hands, fine. But you are taking this from me, and if anybody asks, we’re even. Or, scratch that, don’t tell anyone about this, understand?” He sees the soft wonder in Zagreus’ face as he holds the delicate keepsake in his hands. It is about as much as Thanatos can handle, so he does what he always does when confronted by the uncomfortable feelings he has little knowledge of how to deal with.

It’s not the last gift. More bottles of nectar pass from Zagreus’ hands to his, enough that it makes him wonder. He knows he’s not the only one — everyone in the House is given a bottle at one point or another — and yet the degree he receives feels excessive, like there’s some hidden message he’s meant to read in all of this, between the lines. The only one who matches him in volume is Megaera, only it makes sense for her to receive the gifts because Zagreus still favours her; Thanatos can tell in the way he talks about her that those feelings he once had have not disappeared. But then, what does that mean for _him?_

The boundaries of what they are to one another these days are so shifted and blurred that Thanatos fears where they will stand once they finally settle. He doesn’t want to examine it too closely, to come to the wrong conclusion and ruin it all when they’ve come this far. And yet, the thought plagues him more than he expects: the possibility of what this could become, the possibility of _more_.

-

Thanatos responds to his Master's summons as he is bid. Their relationship has always worked in a professional sense, but these days Thanatos can't separate it completely, knowing that Hades is the reason Zagreus is in pain, the reason he wants to run and run and never stop.

"There is one matter that troubles me, my lord. The matter of your son," he says once he has finished his standard report. He keeps his voice level and firm, his gaze meeting Hades’ dark eyes squarely. He sees Hades’ brow knit together and his expression darken.

"What _matter_?" Hades asks, low and dangerous, a thinly veiled suggestion to leave it be. Thanatos doesn't balk at the simmering anger; he knows now that he will choose Zagreus’ side every time, even if it costs him.

"A resolution must occur — the divide within your family threatens all of us. And you know that he won't ever stop, no matter how many times he falls. I ask that you make peace with him, my lord, or at the very least, _try_." Thanatos knows he has overstepped his place but to his surprise, Hades listens, calm and deathly silent.

"Your observations have been noted,” Hades says finally, his expression unreadable, “if that is all?" Thanatos takes a breath.

"That is all, my lord."

-

There's a bottle of Ambrosia on the table, another gift Thanatos doesn't know what to do with. He's turning over his last conversation with Zagreus in his mind, trying to glean the answer, though he's not sure if the drinking is helping or not. Megaera finds him in the lounge like that, staring at the bottle, silent and pensive. She doesn't wait for an invitation, of course, before sliding onto the barstool across from him and helping herself to a glass from the opened bottle. She sips at the amber spirit with a hum.

“What's on your mind?” She asks. Thanatos isn't sure he can articulate it to her because he can barely parse it himself.

“It's nothing," he dismisses. Megaera gives him a scornful look and really, he should have known it was pointless trying to lie to her.

“It's about Zagreus so by definition, it's not nothing," she says with some bite.

“Am I so obvious?” Megaera laughs at him, low and amused. He doesn’t blame her; it _is_ laughable for Death incarnate to be brought so low by such mundane emotions, and yet.

“Yes, extremely. To everyone but each other, I suppose.” They sit in silence as Thanatos finds his words and Megaera waits with the patience of one who is used to waiting.

“You've been with him. _Are_ with him, again," he corrects because he is aware of that much. "It doesn't bother you that I…" He stops because he isn't sure there is a word that aptly describes how he feels about Zagreus, for the emotion that sprang in his chest the first moment he knew him and has only grown since then until it fills him in everything he does.

“You must be kidding yourself if you think that Zagreus only has room in his heart for one of us,” Megaera drawls matter-of-factly. She tsks at him, an admonishment. “Stop overthinking it. You already know what you want. _Let_ yourself have it.” Thanatos laughs a little at that. This is why he has always liked Megaera — for her ability to cut through the bullshit and see into the heart of things.

"Thank you,” he says finally, feeling lighter for having come to a decision, “for the encouragement."

"I just knew that if I left you two to your own devices, then another hundred years would pass before anything were to happen,” she replies dryly.

“You’re not wrong about that, Meg,” Thanatos says, using Zagreus' nickname for her, an indulgence. Her answering smile is slow and sweet and ever dangerous.

“I rarely am.”

-

Thanatos stops waiting, stops second-guessing, and takes what he wants for a change. And now they are _here_ together in Zagreus' bedchambers, the distance between them smaller than ever before.

Zagreus' warm hands slip under Thanatos' robe to press against his chest, against the space where his heart is beating a staccato in his ribcage. "You're nervous, Than?" Zagreus asks, quietly curious.

"You're saying you aren't, Zag?" Thanatos replies archly. This close he can see every slow blink, every minute shift in his expression, and there's a half-smile playing on his lips that Thanatos very much wants to know the taste of.

"No, I'm nervous, too." Zagreus chuckles and Thanatos can hear the truth of it in his voice. "I think I've wanted this for longer than I ever realised," he admits. Thanatos doesn't know what to say to that so he says nothing at all. Zagreus' mouth is soft and opens readily under his. He tastes like… a dark moonless night, like a pomegranate just before ripeness, like smouldering embers than could burst into flame any second. He tastes like a life lived _vividly_. Thanatos wonders absently what he tastes like to Zagreus. Whatever the answer is, it can’t be abhorrent, because Zagreus makes a pleased hum and presses closer.

"So how do you want to do this? I'm happy with anything you want, honestly," Zagreus offers when they eventually part, a touch breathless.

"You on top," Thanatos replies firmly, because he's thought about this far too much in recent weeks, and though all his fantasies have varied, his mind always circles back to that first. Zagreus looks surprised for some reason.

"Ah, really? You want me to-"

" _Yes_ ,” he replies, cutting him off emphatically, “but on one condition. I want to be able to see your face when you're inside me… got it?" Zagreus blinks at him, looking dazed.

"Hmm? Oh yes, clear as crystal. Now _please_ get on the bed before I tackle you." Thanatos obliges with a low laugh. He undresses as he goes to the bed, his robes falling to the floor in a messy heap. He lies back and watches as Zagreus follows suit, disrobing gracelessly and climbing onto the bed after him.

"Not to sound impatient, but…" Thanatos says when Zagreus has done little but stare for the last few minutes. Zagreus ducks his head apologetically.

"Sorry, it's just, you're very beautiful," he says with a soft wonder that embarrasses him a little.

"So you've told me," Thanatos points out, the memory of the second meeting as fresh to him as the day it happened. Zagreus laughs a little self-consciously as he slides a hand up one of Thanatos’ calves, over his knee, to the junction where his thigh creases.

“Oh, I had the biggest crush on you for the _longest_ time. Though now that I think about it, I never really stopped, did I?"

“Stop talking and come _here_ , Zag,” Thanatos commands and he does _finally._ Their mouths find each other in a kiss once again as Zagreus presses in close, the hard planes of his body fitting against him in a way that makes him groan. Thanatos runs his hands along his sides, through his hair, against his back — there are so many places he wants to touch and he can’t manage them all at once. Not to mention… Zagreus starts when Thanatos’ hand finds his cock, his long fingers wrapping around the width of him in a firm stroke.

“Why the surprise? You do realise what we’re doing here, right?” Thanatos asks sardonically.

“Yes, Than, _hilarious_. Just, _ah_ , you said you wanted me to be inside you and that’s going to be difficult if you keep going the way you’re going.”

“You’ll manage, Zag,” he says reassuringly and doesn’t stop, that is until Zagreus grabs his wrist out of the way, drops his hips and thrusts against him. “ _Blood and darkness_ ,” Thanatos curses, the feel of Zagreus’ cock dragging against his own making his toes curl and his back arch as he seeks more, yes, _now_. Things become incoherent for a time as all his sharp focus narrows on the searing pleasure building between them, electrifying, until the feeling overflows and he comes in the tight space between their bodies. Zagreus muffles an indelicate noise in the curve of his neck as he follows with a shudder.

"Okay,” Zagreus says after a moment, breathlessly. Thanatos feels him wipe away some of the sticky mess between them with the edge of his bedclothes. “After that little detour, let’s get back on track, all right, Than?” Zagreus touches a soft hand to his face, a tender look in his eyes. “I’ve still got to give you what you asked for.” Thanatos hasn’t regained the function of speech yet, so he simply kisses him in agreement. He watches with heavy-lidded eyes as Zagreus coats his fingers in oil from his bedside table, warming the liquid between his fingers. The first touch against his entrance feels strange, unfamiliar, but Zagreus moves his deft fingers with care until he adjusts, relaxes, opens. When Thanatos glances at his expression, he almost laughs at the focused look on his face and the way his bottom lip is caught in his teeth in concentration.

“While I’m honoured to be on the receiving end of your focused attention, Zag, I think I’m ready for you to fuck me now,” Thanatos says dryly. Zagreus huffs a laugh before pressing a kiss to Thanatos’ knee.

“I should have known you would be bossy, Than, though, aren't you the one who’s always asking me to _slow down_?” Thanatos kicks him lightly with his foot.

“If you go any slower, then I’ll be forced to take matters into my own hands.”

“Now we can’t have that, that would defeat the purpose of this exercise entirely,” Zagreus muses. "Lift up your hips?” He does as he’s asked and Zagreus slips a cushion under him before settling between his spread legs, the tip of him nudging against his entrance. “You okay, Than?”

“Yeah, Zag,” he confirms, almost dizzy with want. Still moving with aching slowness, Zagreus pushes inside him and the air pushes out of him, the sensation of being stretched and filled on the edge of overwhelming. It feels _good_ , he has never been so anchored in the sensations of his body as he is now, so much so that he can feel his own heartbeat. Then a shift of the hips and Zagreus, he’s _there_ , bottoming out and turning Thanatos’ spine to liquid.

“You feel so good, Than,” Zagreus breathes and he starts to move, slow rolls of his hips that make his gut tighten and the pressure build low in his abdomen. The look on Zagreus’ face is unlike any he has ever seen; he’s always been bad at hiding his emotions, but now he looks so open and vulnerable that it’s almost hard to watch. Thanatos can’t kiss him from this position, but he will, once this is over.

“Zag, you, _ah_.” Thanatos is hard, harder than he’s ever been in his life, and when Zagreus takes him in his broad hand, it’s almost too much, like his body doesn’t know what to _do_ with everything that’s happening all at once.

“You’re gorgeous and perfect and oh, _love_ ,” Zagreus says, a little helplessly, and that’s enough to send Thanatos spiralling, unravelling, or whatever words are used to describe the sensation of being unmade like this by the person he adores. His body tightens as he comes messily onto their stomachs and distantly he can hear Zagreus cursing, his thrusts growing unsteady until he cries out, a sound like Thanatos will never forget. How he denied himself the pleasure and joy of having Zagreus for so long he doesn’t know.

There’s silence for a moment as they become still and the sweat begins to cool on their bodies. Eventually, Zagreus pulls out of him with a groan, but Thanatos doesn’t let him go far. The kiss they share tastes a little different, after: like a night filled with stars, like a pomegranate ripe and honey-sweet, like a bright touch of fire and smoke. Zagreus tastes like a life lived _exultantly_.

-

Thanatos doesn't know what he expected would change when this started between them, but perhaps he should have expected this.

"Than, I'm not letting you leave without a kiss for luck," Zagreus demands, once their little competition is over. In truth, Thanatos _could_ leave and Zagreus physically couldn't stop him, and yet his feet stay rooted in place at the determined look on his lover’s face.

"You're serious? We're in public, Zag," he protests, and yes, the desolate magma pits of Asphodel _count_. Zagreus rolls his eyes.

"Who's going to see us, some passing shade? Come on, Than, I'm not taking no for an answer," he says, obstinate.

"Fine, one kiss." Thanatos tries to get away with a chaste peck on the lips, but Zagreus is having none of it. He insinuates himself in the space between his feet, his hands settling firmly against the small of Thanatos' back and tilts his head to press their mouths together, his tongue licking into his mouth with intent. It's completely filthy and inappropriate and very, very _good_.

"Okay, now you can go," Zagreus murmurs, voice husky, and Thanatos must go, right away, before he does something… regrettable.

"I'll see you back at home," he manages before he disappears. Thanatos doesn't mean to reappear in Zagreus' bedchamber, but his body has betrayed his desires despite himself. There's little use in pretending that he'll be able to return to work now anyway, not with his head full of _ideas_ , and he knows it won’t be long before Zagreus is back here again, through some means or another. He finds he's getting better at letting himself have what he wants these days and right now, in this moment, he wants nothing more than to stay and welcome Zagreus home.

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out longer _and_ more NSFW than I expected, but when it comes to writing Thanatos pining over Zagreus, I had a lot to write about it, apparently. It's my first attempt at writing these two so I hope I did them justice.
> 
> I always love hearing what people think, so any comments and kudos are very much appreciated! ♥
> 
> Twitter: [@redmorningstar1](https://twitter.com/redmorningstar1)


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